Being jilted is probably the thought of every Bride or Groom’s nightmare, and probably not anyone’s idea of an appropriate topic for a Wedding Blog.
Some things are difficult to write about, simply for the fact they are difficult situations, and when things are difficult we tend to shy away from them.
But reality dictates that sometimes things happen, and even though we don’t really want to think about them, and hope against hope that it never happens to us, sometimes bad situations happen.
It is always hard when a relationship ends, more so if it was unexpected or is unexplained.
When you have invested your time, your heart and the essence of yourself into a relationship and there is rejection, it can rock to the very core.
Loss of a relationship is bad enough at any time but when it’s in the immediate run up to your Big Day, or on your Wedding Day the distress can be enormous.
As an example, and in probably one of the most recognised Big Screen scenes, Carrie was jilted by her Mr Big as she stood at the New York Library waiting to marry the man she loved.
You could not help be touched by her devastation and horror.
For Carrie, it worked out. Big was her one true love and they made it back to each other in the end.
The resolution in their relationship is probably in the minority but is a good example of the tumultuous and overwhelming feelings someone would experience.
The only way to get through it is to work through it, and that can involve going through all stages of the grief process.
You have to acknowledge your feelings and process them.
Initially you may feel shock and horror and may perhaps go into denial that this has happened to you
Like a sudden bereavement, someone you have loved, relied on, shared your life and thoughts and dreams with is gone.
And sometimes pretending that it hasn’t happened can feel better than reality.
Then comes anger, when the person recognises that denying things cannot go on any longer.
With this comes ‘how can they do this to me?’ and ‘why have they done this to me?’
Rage can be all-consuming and can be directed at self and others.
Then comes the bargaining stage where a person can focus on the hope that there is a way to avoid or undo the cause of the rejection.
Then comes utter sadness and numbness. It may feel like a physical pain and emptiness.
You may go through a period of self doubt: ‘Did I do something wrong?’
All these feelings will pass, there is no set time limit on your grief, but acceptance is where your emotional health begins to heal.
This may take time to come, and making peace with the loss of your dream may feel just too hard, but it is necessary to rebuild a positive future.
I have never been in this immediate situation so you may say ‘What does she know’ But I have faced rejection, and I have faced grief in different forms.
When your world comes crashing down you may feel misled, blindsided; a real disquiet in your soul.
They say time is a healer, and it is.
It sounds like a huge cliché and when you are right in the situation, healing from such a soul-destroying event may feel like it will never come.
Acknowledge your feelings – allow yourself to be angry, allow yourself to cry, scream even.
You are allowed to mourn the relationship, it is like the death of your expectations.
Be kind to yourself, self care is very important – sleep, watch movies, wrap yourself up in that blanket, take walks in the park, pamper yourself a little, eat healthily (a little Ben & Jerry’s is allowed).
If looking after yourself feels too much, let your family and friends take care of you for a little while.
They have your back, they want what’s best for you, though at this point you may not know what that is.
Try to let go of negativity, this may be especially hard if you haven’t had any sort of closure or reason for being jilted/the breakup.
However, bitterness will eat you up, and won’t help your heart heal.
It can be good to write things down, even just for yourself, getting pent up frustrations out in a constructive form may offer some release.
Stay active, and mingle. You may not be looking for a new relationship, but when you feel ready, you need to go back to living.
Whether thats going back to work, back to the gym, taking up a new sport or hobby, joining a class.
Look at all the good things in your life and reinforce those.
If coping is just too hard it may be time for professional help and counselling.
Working through your feelings in a safe, non judgemental, structured environment may be what you need to help you re-focus and move on.
But being jilted doesn’t have to be your identity forever.
You will go on, you will survive, you will breathe in and out each day, you will feel happy again.
And in time you may once again experience love.
I would like to share a video feature from Blog Sponsor Mark Pugh that shows how emotions flow as a bride is left without an explanation as to why her love has abandoned her.
As time passes eventually the emptiness inside is overcome by the thoughts of a new beginning.
Mark says of the film “The film is based on a true story which makes it all the more powerful.”
“These situations happen more often than we would like, and are rarely acknowledged.”
To conclude, a period of change in any situation is always hard but when a little healing has come see it as a time for your own personal growth , and as an opportunity to be seized.
Would you have wanted to live your life with someone that wasn’t there for you, did not have your back, was hiding secrets and was not 100% committed to you? NO!
You deserve someone that wants the same things, dreams the same dreams and truly loves you.
You write the narrative of your life…. no – one else can, or has the right to write it for you.
Write a happy ending and a new adventure…
Image 1: Jilted Bride
Image 2: Carrie Bradshaw and her Mr Big
Video: Courtesy of Mark Pugh